Vacation or disaster?
by EliH2
Summary: When House, Wilson, Cuddy, and the ex-ducklings go on a cruise, they have to solve a case... before it is too late. Plus, House runs into the father of a former patiant who is not very happy to see him. Rated T for caution.
1. Chapter 1

**This is during season four sometime after "Frozen." It will probably end up having a few OC, but other than that, this is all based on House. There are no pairings right now, and if I do decide to put one in, it will be just hinted at.**

**Disclaimer- Unfortunately, I do not own House.**

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There were some days when House loved being a cripple. Today was one of those days. He and Wilson had already sped through four out of the five handicapped lines, and were now about to get onto the huge cruise ship. House almost chuckled when he thought of Cuddy and his ex-ducklings. They were probably still in the first line with about a million others.

All of the department heads at PPTH had been invited to go on a seven day cruise. They were also allowed to invite guest. Since House's only real friend also happened to be a department head, he had pulled some strings, and managed to get all of his former employees invited as his plus three. Of course, he had only really managed this because two of the other department heads had cancelled when they discovered that Dr. Gregory House was indeed coming.

"Okay, I give up. Why are you so smug?" Wilson asked after glancing at his grinning friend.

"Two reasons actually. One, I can't wait to see how Cameron, Chase and Foreman react to having rooms right next to each other. Two, I still can't believe that you agreed to leave Cutthroat Bit- I mean _Amber _with the others and skip ahead using my cane and wonderful acting skills," House replied smugly.

"You need someone to make sure you don't get arrested or trip, fall into the water, and drown," Wilson said sarcastically, "And furthermore, you and Amber do not do so well in the same- wait. What's this about Chase, Cameron, and Foreman all having rooms right next to each other?"

Grinning again, House mock whispered, "I managed to get them all balcony rooms. They are all in a row, AND they connect through the balcony if someone unlocks the doors that divide them. I, of course, have every intention of making sure that they will walk out onto their balconies, and BAM! They all have a nice reunion. Plus- I will be there to oversee it all and make sure that they are properly pissed.

"So, that's why you got them invited…you wanted to screw with them. And there I was thinking that you were actually overcoming your asinine ways and being kind." Wilson sighed.

Feigning horror, House said, "Me. KIND?! How could you? But no worries, soon, you'll see first hand my diabolical plan…"

Five minutes later the two of them were loaded onto the ship, and made their way up to their rooms, ready to embark on what would soon be much more than a vacation. Or a practical joke.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is a bit longer. Reviews are appreciated!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own House. As much as I wish I did, and as much as I wish the writer's strike would spontaneously end, it is not so.**

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House lay sprawled over his new bed. Spread before him was an array of pamphlets that advertised all of the possible things one could do on this particular cruise. He was scanning through them, looking for possible catalysts for his plan to make sure that he was entertained. Of course, for House, entertainment included what could best be described as, "human fights." Similar to dog fights, only with people.

He already had made a long mental list, and was continuing to add to it when something caught his eye. Unfortunately, it would be completely useless to his plan, but it was still good to know, especially for a doctor. On the map of the ship, there was a room located next to the gym and spa that read _first aid and emergency medical care_.

House's musings were abruptly interrupted when he heard someone squeal, "oh my god!" Cameron. She continued, "How, what, that's not possible!"

"Well, it obviously is," replied an irate voice that could only be Chase. House grinned; the ducklings had discovered their nests. He jumped up from his bed, cursing under his breath when a sharp pain shot up his right leg. House waited two seconds, letting his angry leg thigh calm down, and then popped a Vicodin, grabbed his cane, and headed for the door.

"Goodness would you kids PLEASE keep the shouting to a minimum! Some people are trying to relax!" House said as he walked out of his door to see Foreman, Cameron, and Chase all standing in a circle staring at each other, confused. As soon as House closed his door, Foreman looked up.

"Oh, crap," Chases muttered.

"Glad to see you too, mate!" replied House in a bad Australian accent. "Your welcome for inviting you on this vacation, AND getting you out of work."

Cameron looked perplexed. "It's not that we aren't grateful, it's just that this is a bit…unexpected. We didn't exactly plan to get on a cruise liner with well over two thousand people, and be bunked right next to our former boss and co-workers…"

House's lip twitched up at her good manners. "Actually, I talked to one of the travel agents, and made sure that all of our rooms were together," House began, then his voice became stifled with mock emotion, "And it is such a good reunion, I'm so happy to see you all together again, just like old times." He pretended to stifle a sob.

"Umm…yeah," Foreman began, "while you three are getting re-acquainted, I'm need to unpack. Later!" Foreman then spun on his heel and practically ran back into his room.

"Me too!" Chase shouted, and retreated to his room.

"Umm… nice to see you." Cameron said, and then left.

House re-entered his own room, grinning yet again. Mission accomplished.

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"Aghhhh…." House sighed. He had to admit, massages were like heaven. Not that there was such a place. Ever since Wilson had gotten him that masseuse, he had been contemplating getting another massage. Why hadn't he done it earlier? He allowed himself to relax, and enjoy the feel of his muscles being massaged.

"Okay, Mr. King. Time to begin your massage." A cheerful voice to House's left said. Inwardly groaning, House preyed that the cheerful masseuse would work quietly. Or he wasn't preying really. He didn't prey. What was with him and the religious similes today?

"Oh my god! Mr. King? Are you okay?" All cheerfulness gone from her voice, the masseuse sounded panicked. "You're burning up!"

Someone who House guessed was Mr. King groaned, and the sound of puking followed. House's own masseuse squealed and ran off. House sat, up and surveyed the ill man. Sweat ran off of his back, and he was visibly trembling. As House was about to leave and see if he could get his money back, the man rolled over. All of the man's lower entire left side was covered with a ruby rash.

"Someone call the emergency medical team." House instructed.

"But he's just motion sick!'

"You don't get a fever when you're motion sick. And he also has a rash. Now do it! Tell the attending that Dr. Gregory House, room 413 is interested and would like too…" House tried to find the best words that would not be pushy, but still get him in on the case, "provide a consult."


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is told from Chase's point of view, but there are still some parts that are from other people's points of view.

Disclaimer- I do not own House or any other TV series.

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Dr. Robert Chase didn't look very much like a doctor right now. He was lying, wearing only his bathing suit and sunglasses, next to the pool on a lounging chair. Though it might not have looked it from his appearance, he was deep in thought. About his old boss.

As irritating as House's planning and games could be, Chase had to admit, he was enjoying the cruise. He might actually have to bring himself to thank the man. Maybe.

While he was in the mood to admit things, he actually missed working for House. Of course he didn't miss House's abuse or covering for his addictions, but some things he did. For one, he missed the feeling of…security. When he had worked for House, he had always worked knowing that everything was not on his shoulders. If he could not make the diagnosis, if Cameron and Foreman could not make the diagnosis, then House would. Chase had known that there was no way that House would let a patient go un-diagnosed. It was his second addiction.

There was something else that Chase missed as well. He would never have dreamed in a million years that he would actually miss this part of his old job. Chase had always said that House's constant sarcasm and witty jokes annoyed him, yet now he found himself missing them. He had also discovered that his own comebacks had been severely lacking since House had fired him. At first he believed that it was merely because of the dramatic change, but now he was beginning to believe that he had actually used many of House's witty remarks when speaking to others. He would never admit it. Never.

Suddenly, a high pitched shriek interrupted his musings. "Oh my god! Danny? Wake up Danny!" Chase glanced over to see a very distraught looking woman performing what looked to be a bad attempt at CPR on a boy of about 14. For one, she wasn't doing mouth to mouth, and for two, she was performing CPR on the wrong side of his chest. Idiotic woman, she was going to kill him!

"STOP!" Chase yelled, while running over to help. The woman, who was obviously Danny's mother, didn't stop. "You're doing it wrong, I am a doctor, now move!" Chase said loudly. After that Danny's mother quickly moved aside. Chase replaced her and began to perform CPR correctly. After the boy had spit up a good deal of water, and after about a minute of performing CPR, Danny started to come to. As he tried to sit up, Chase pushed him back down. "Danny, I need you to relax, and focus on breathing evenly." Chase instructed. "Someone call the medical emergency number, and tell them that there was a near-drowning, and the patient is now stabilized, but needs to be monitored."

Chase sat back, and took a deep breath. "You saved my son, oh my god, he almost died, you saved him! Thank you! How can I ever repay you?" Danny's mother than burst into hysterical sobs.

"Mom, I'm perfectly fine, calm down, no need to be melodramatic." Sarcasm laced the teen's voice.

Chase looked down at the kid who was at least following his instructions. His faced showed mixed expressions of exasperation, annoyance, and shock. "Actually, your mother has every right to be upset, you almost died." Chase let this fact sink in before continuing. "You will need to stay overnight in the first and aid and emergency medical facility." Danny's face registered shock at his words, then remorse.

"Sorry, mom." He said guiltily.

One of the observers suddenly jumped in. "So, you are a doctor?" She asked, addressing Chase.

"Yep, I'm here on vacation with some of the other doctors at the hospital that I work at."

"Really?! Could I have you all's room numbers, you know, in case…something happens." Chase hesitated. People often go crazy, and think that they are dieing when they were just tired, or sunburned. But what if something really bad happened? He knew that many of the onboard medics and doctors were overworked, and under qualified to handle a real disaster. It was his job. He reluctantly told her his, Foreman's, and Cameron's room number. As an after thought, he also gave her House's room number. He was sure to mention House's esteemed reputation, and avoid _all mention_ of his personality. He grinned at his way of getting back at his former boss.

When he saw every person who had been present at the little drowning scene write the room numbers down though, he wondered if he would regret doing this.

All thoughts of regret were suddenly pushed from his mind as the onboard medics arrived to take Danny to the infirmary. He informed them of the situation. "Caucasian male, age…"

"Fourteen," supplied Danny's mother who had calmed down a bit, but was still shaky and nervous.

"Was under water for five minutes, and lost consciousness, I performed CPR, he regained consciousness, and has now been stable for…" Chase glanced at his watch, "Seven minutes."

As one of the medics examined the boy, he asked, "You a doctor sir?"

"Yes."

"Thank the Lord you were here, this kid would have died otherwise." The medic said. At this news, Danny's mom broke out into sobs again, and everyone else looked generally impressed.

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As Chase walked back to his room, he thought over what had just happened. He had saved the kids life, without a doubt. He had saved other people's lives as well. Hundreds of people's lives.

But recently, all he had done was save lives that almost any other doctor could have saved, and the fact the he just happened to be the one was not all that impressive.

He recalled when he had worked with House, and had figured out that a little girl was allergic to light when House had been detoxing and made the wrong diagnosis. It was one of the only times that the man had done so.

Chase remembered how good it had felt, even after House had socked him for his troubles. He had saved the girl's life. But this time, he had not done so by doing standard procedures, things that any doctor could do, he had figured out what other doctors couldn't. Without _him_ the girl would have died.

As Chase recalled this, he briefly wondered if that feeling of ecstasy was how House felt all the time. But that was impossible. If House always felt the high that Chase had, there was no way that he would be as miserable as he is.

Just as Chase made his last conclusion, he reached his room. Attached to his door was a handwritten note. _Go to First Aid and Emergency Medical treatment room. Hurry. –Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman._

It was written in House's handwriting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here it is: another chapter. I tried to make it longer this time. I am thinking that in the next chapter there will be some House hurt! But I don't know, so if you have an opinoun please put it in a review!**

**Disclaimer- Once again, I don't own House, and if I did… well you get the idea.**

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House was pacing. He was in his room, roaming like a caged tiger. At the same time, he was wondering what the hell had made him do something so obviously idiotic.

He had waited, in what amounted to a tiny, badly stocked, and poorly equipped onboard hospital, for about two hours after he had been possessed to deliver the idiotic notes to his former employees. And, there he was, back again at his incredibly moronic "stroke of genius."

Why had he thought that they would even consider coming in response to his note? They were on vacation, and the only person that he actually still worked with was Foreman. Plus, Foreman wasn't in House's command anymore. He was Cuddy's lapdog. There was absolutely no reason why anyone of them would come rushing to the call of their former boss. So why had he done it? This was what was bothering House the most. So far, he had only been able to come up with one reason, and he didn't like it. _He was lonely._ So lonely that he had actually gone out of his way to contact them, even in such a way that he knew that they wouldn't respond.

House sighed. There was no escaping it. He was lonely. And he missed Wilson, even though his room was only just down the hall. Ever since Wilson had started dating Cutthroat Bitch, he had not really been there for House, and when he and House were together, he was removed and even unfriendly. As House thought of this something Wilson had said earlier rang through his memory.

_Where are we going?_

_No where. I just know it hurts you._

Had dating a woman who was so very much like himself made Wilson re-evaluate their friendship? House had no way of knowing. All he knew was that he missed his one and only friend.

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The theatre was abuzz with hundreds of voices, but as soon as the lights began to dim, it quickly became quiet once again.

House was sitting next to Wilson, and on Wilson's other side sat Amber. The two were holding each other, and House had to resist the temptation to puke. They were sitting in the second row of the middle column of seats, in one of the several onboard theatres. _How is it that a ship can have three huge theatres, and its medical center is so tiny? Whoever decided that is a total moron._

They were waiting for the show to begin. It was some sort of game show, in which someone who had volunteered was chosen from the audience to play. Part of the fun was that they did not know **what** they were going to play until they were chosen. It was the type of thing that disgusted House, and he wouldn't be anywhere close to the show if it hadn't been for Wilson. And strangely, Chase. Chase had insisted that this was a perfect time for all of the PPTH gang to do something together. House still wouldn't have done it if Wilson had not been going. He would never admit it, but he had been desperate to spend time with his friend. House wanted to make sure that he didn't let Wilson slip away.

When the lights had fully dimmed, a low magnified voice came through the sound system announced, "Hello! And welcome!" Suddenly, the stage lights came on and a handsomely dressed figure that was onstage was illuminated. "Today, we have quite an interesting game to play, but first we need a contestant!" he waited as a young woman wearing hardly anything came up to him and handed him an envelope. "And, it appears that our lucky player is…" he opened the envelope and paused dramatically. "A Dr. Gregory House!"

House sat rigid in his chair. He hadn't volunteered for this. Suddenly, he noticed Chase grinning like a maniac. It was suddenly rather obvious that someone else had.

"Is Gregory House here? Ah! There our man is!" The host had stopped directly in front of House, and was pointing at him. Wilson gave him a shove. House reluctantly got to his feet, grabbed his can and limped toward the stage. All the while thoughts were buzzing around in his head, waiting to be acknowledged. Chase had volunteered him for this. To get back at him for the room thing.

Damn it! He was being forced to get onstage in front of hundreds of people. It reminded him strangely of being forced to give a speech for Vouglar. Except this time, the audience was not waiting to hear a speech about medicine, but rather to watch him play some unknown game. When he reached the stage, the host walked over and shook House's hand, while at the same time grinning viciously. With a shock, House realized that he recognized the man. He was… OH SHIT! He was the man who had been having an affair with his daughter (House almost grinned as he corrected himself…son.) He was a man who House had embarrassed and later reported. This was not going to be good.

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Chase watched as House limped to the stage looking extremely annoyed. He was grinning uncontrollably. House did not have all the power anymore! He watched, enthralled as the host shook House's hand. Suddenly, House's features went from looking annoyed and pissed off to… recognition? And then… not fear but alarm. What had happened?

Suddenly it hit Chase. He had strangely felt that he knew the man when he had submitted House's name, but had blown it off as a guilty conscience. But now, he recognized the host as the father of… crap. The host was Martin Simms.

"Let's see what game should we have our contestant play?" Simms asked the audience. "Hmm?"

The same scantily dressed assistant came and handed him another envelope. "It seems that Mr. House here will be playing…" Simms opened the envelope. "Extreme Paintball!"

Chase breathed a sigh of relief. He had been afraid that Martin Simms would somehow try to punish his old boss for past embarrassments, but it seemed not. How could you punish someone by playing paintball?

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**Sorry this chapter was kind of a filler to kill my writer's block. Review speed up that process!**


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